Child handover checklist

The goal: short, calm, uneventful

A good handover is one the child barely notices. Bags are ready, nothing needs discussing, the goodbye is warm and quick, and the parents either do not meet at all or exchange a few civil words. Everything that would take longer than a minute belongs in a message sent beforehand.

The checklist

Tick items off on the screen, or print it and stick it by the door. Nothing you tick is stored anywhere.

Where and when

• School or nursery whenever possible. One parent drops off, the other collects, and the child moves between homes without the adults meeting. On most schedules this covers the majority of changeovers.
• A neutral public place for weekend or holiday handovers: a café, a supermarket car park, a library. Somewhere with other people, where nobody is on home ground.
• The kerb, if it has to be a home. Bags handed over at the car; no one goes inside.
• A fixed time, written down. "Friday 5pm" in the shared calendar, not "after work".

What to say

Very little. "Hi. Here's his bag; inhaler is in the front pocket. Have a good weekend." Practical information about health, homework or moods goes in a message before the handover, so it is written down and nobody has to remember it.

What to write down afterwards

One line in the record: the time, and anything unusual. "Fri 12 Apr, 5.10pm, all fine." Or "Fri 12 Apr, arrived 5.45pm, no message." The point is not to build a case; it is so that neither of you has to argue about what happened. The guide to documenting communication covers what is worth keeping.

Messages before the handover

Making it routine

Children cope with handovers best when they are the same every time: same place, same time, same bag, same goodbye. The shared calendar fixes the time and place; this checklist fixes the bag. In PeaceParent, the schedule and the pre-handover message live in the same place, and Tone Guard checks the message before it is sent.